Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
