There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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