you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
