i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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