hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
