I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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