so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
