i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me