Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night