So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
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You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
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What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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