i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.