i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
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The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
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I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?