Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.