My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
