The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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