wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
