Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
