Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
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The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
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My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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