We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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