Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
