Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
