They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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