very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
