i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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