I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
