Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
