It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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