I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
