She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
smell my finger.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
