Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize