could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
