"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
