It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
