I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
