My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
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I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
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He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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