I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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