allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
