I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
