I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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