I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
