I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
