i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Such a big mess for such a small penis
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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