Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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