ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
