I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
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I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
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Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize