handjob tips. give me some.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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