It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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