pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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