I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
