Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
