You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize