Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
