Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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