Got a toothbrush?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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