I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
