It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
