I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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