Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
