screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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