ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
