My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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