You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
