I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
