If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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