Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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