ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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