don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
