so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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