I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
and you fell through a lawn chair
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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