so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
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I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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