well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
we made out on top of his cat.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
