Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
